Do heavy weights make you “bulk up” ?

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GOOD GRAVEY NO! ..sorry I get this question probably once a week. Lets say it again, Lifting weights WILL NOT make you look like a man. Alright, hopefully I got my point across.

Now, let me explain why. First off women don’t have as much testosterone as women, hence why when they workout and lift weights you see their progress much faster than women’s. For a woman to “bulk up” she would probably have to workout for endless hours (an amount that isn’t ideal to be doing in the first place), have a dramatic change in diet, probably be taking a testosterone booster and it takes YEARS to build that kind of muscle alone .. much less for a girl. Genetics also play a role in this as well. . . so if you start lifting and you think your getting “too big” .. then cool it on the weights , but seriously do not worry about it until you get there ok… quit using it as an excuse lol.

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So what happens when a woman lifts heavy weights then? Well yes, you get that toned look that so many women strive to have but yet still worry about looking “like a man” … so quit your belly aching and start lifting heavy!

You shouldn’t be lifting anything more that you cant lift either, your last reps should be hard but not too hard that you almost break an arm or leg =) Maintain your form to ensure you wont get injured.

besides, look at wonder woman … she obviously lifts heavy.. and she’s hot! =D hahahhaha

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Post Competition Blues and Bouncing Back!

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This is going to be another one of those “not normal” blog posts from me. Im not going to be explaining about the benefits of a certain food or a new workout. . . but instead its going to be a realization to myself and just an girl putting it out there with no shame since most wont (or don’t like to talk about this subject).

So in my last post (I DID IT! My Journey through my First Fitness Bikini Competition )I mentioned that its been a tough time for me with the fact of my binging after the show and now, getting back on track. Even though its embarrassing to admit I couldn’t stop stuffing my face, even when I felt sick and miserable, I know I’m not alone. Many people (women and men) have this issue and in quite honestly are either in denial, or haven’t admitted it to themselves yet. I have learned that this is also VERY common among people who do competitions or compete too.

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So during my entire prep, I was constantly thinking about food, what I needed to eat, what I couldn’t eat and what I wanted to eat once my prep was over. I made a list of everything wanted to eat and it was always changing. The fact that I really hadn’t had anything relatively unhealthy in a super long time didn’t help my situation either. I had driven my mind into this “I’m going to get to live a little after my show” mindset when it all reality I wasn’t living after my show. Looking at it now, I was only harming myself not only physically as an easy 20 lbs came back on but mentally too.

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Most people don’t realize that competitors cannot keep that level of physique 24/7 all year round, not only is it super hard but its not necessarily healthy either. But on the flip side, people don’t realize how easy it is to gain it all back too. People seem to think, oh your thin, fit, (enter whatever word you want here) you can eat whatever you want. WRONG. When you’ve constantly been dieting, restricting certain foods and most likely entire food groups at times … and then you re-introduce them.. Hello! recipe for some weight gain!

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SO with this all happening, I was beginning to get down on myself… I wasn’t the inspiring, energetic, and love for health and fitness person that I have ideally thought I’d grown into. I was ashamed of what I had done (nutritionally wise) and I quite honestly was embarrassed and felt sort of like a hypocrite. Here all my friends, family and people were reaching out to me, telling me congratulations and telling me how inspiring my pictures from my show were …. meanwhile, I couldn’t stop eating and beating myself up for it. My discipline had almost gone completely out the window, yes I was trying to get back on track, but then I’d get distracted my doughnuts at the grocery … and it would all go downhill. Whether it was something bad happening, stress, boredom or just wanting sugar… the binges happened more than I’d like to admit. Constantly telling yourself “ok tomorrow is my day” and “I can do this” only to turn around and mess it all up with a PB&J is not only exhausting in a mental state but you get to a point to where you feel like your failing . . . over and over. There were literally times I would look down at all the food I’d ate, almost not remembering eating it all. . . and it scared me because I thought I had “fixed” myself with this dark side I never wanted to see again. (thankfully I never starved or purged during this time .. but I did cross my mind and that’s when I knew I  needed to fix this, and fix it fast)…  knowing that I was still struggling to find that peace within myself, along with a balance I started wondering where my “inner fit girl went” and wonder if she’s coming back any time soon. I was embarrassed that my clothes didn’t fit me well, I started wearing baggier clothes to work and the gym because I didn’t feel comfortable in my skin anymore.. even though people told me they couldn’t tell I gained weight, I could tell and that’s what ideally I was focusing on (the negatives).  This is what I’ve learned is called Post Competition Blues.

A friend who has pretty much been there since I started competing mentioned to me that I seem to have a hard time letting the “fat girl” of me go. I still hang on to her. Which in all honesty pissed me off at first, then made me cry because she was absolutely right. I’m slowly learning to live in the now, realize how far I’ve come and learning to not look back, because that’s not the direction I’m going.

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After a few heart to hearts with some amazing people on my team and my coach, I admitted I was waiting for that ah-ha moment to drive me back into doing and living the life I’ve grown to love. It had been about a month since my show and I already know what shows I’m shooting for next season. With my weight not stabilizing (partially because I continued to have smaller binges) and still being heavier than I was when I first started with my coach was a wee bit of an eye opener. I started realizing that I was only focusing on ALL the negatives that not only go with post competition but with prep as well. I felt fat, not in control, and I was looking at another prep as a daunting experience instead of embracing the challenge. Weight loss really isn’t about “weight” its about a mindset (which I ironically have preached before) and had obviously forgotten. Its a challenge of you vs. you and to see how you can push your limits. To show you have none and to prove to yourself that your capable of anything you put your mind to whether its weight, a job or anything else.

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I don’t know if this journey scares me or if I thought it was over since I accomplished this huge goal I had for about 2 years but my coach made it pretty clear that its just started and were only at the surface of my potential .. I just am having a hard time seeing it. He continues to be so supportive, understanding and inspiring in ways I have never really experienced before. I was joking with a friend that if I was him, I would have given up on me by now, but he’s relentless and that’s enough to keep going forward. Mentioning to me some things that resonated pretty well were, what does Amanda look like at 100% .. I gave 90% last show (which he was right in saying. . .I cheated on my diet here and there, I’m only human and ill admit it. I’m not perfect) Along with “why does this have to be the end of the story” .He sees that people look up to me and my story on facebook, here and instagram and there is that fact of sure I was that “fat girl” ( I hate that word btw … fat .. but were using it anyways) but I’m not anymore and whether or not I choose to take on this role of being the “fit girl who once was fat” or not…  is that its already chosen me in a way. Almost every day now, I either get a question about nutrition, or someone asking or help or people just telling me how inspiring I am. I don’t really know where my head was these past few weeks (blocked by all the sugar most likely)  but he’s right, my story isn’t over. Sure this last goal or competition took longer than I “planned” for it to but the key was, I didn’t give up (even when there were MANY times I wanted to haha) …

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So that being said, I refuse to give up on myself because that is not who I am, nor who I’ve become. I will continue to find myself though this journey, slowly building myself up, fixing myself on the way and learn to grow form the inside out. Yes, I will fall, but I’ll get back up. yes I will probably want to quit at times and yes, it will be a tough journey but this is my story and no one else holds the pen except for me.

Follow your dreams. be true to yourself. and remember you’re beautiful no matter what.

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I DID IT! My Journey through my First Fitness Bikini Competition

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Sorry this post has taken me so long to write, I’ve been going through a little soul searching after my show (which I plan on doing another post on that next … but its been an interesting ride , that’s for sure! )

BUT anyways…. Well…. I DID IT!!! And holy crap was it hard! Probably one of the hardest things I’ve done so far, and funny thing is I cant wait to do another!!!

How was it? Really fun yet stressful and exhausting too. But it was all worth it, wanna know why???? Because I placed Top 5 in both the classes I entered in!!! =)

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So going into this competition, quite honestly I wasn’t expecting to “win” anything because in my mind, I had already won with myself losing 85 pounds. And my thought process was if I won something , then hell, more power to me! Ideally my goal was to make it to a competition and I had done just that.

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Back stage during the show, fixing up spray tans and getting oily and ready to step on stage I was actually pretty calm. I have a  major in theatre so the stage isn’t really scary to me it was more of the omg I just don’t want to trip on my heals or forget my poses/transitions (which I did  hahaha).

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During first callouts, when they called my number I almost remember looking down at my number to make sure that was in fact the number they were calling. As I walked forward the look on my coaches face was priceless, as he nudged my posing coach and automatically grabbed his camera. That moment right there is one of the reasons I’m going to do another show in the future. You could see that he was very proud and excited that they called my number, especially since it was my first show. Then the second class I entered in they had called out 4 numbers and then who’s do they call next? MINE! so I made 1st callouts in both the classes I entered in! (first call outs a pretty much placing the top 5) – which was funny at the time because I didn’t realize that’s how it worked so I thought they were just calling my number to call my number hahaahah.

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As time goes on, and people start coming in the door for the show, we all start talking about the treats we brought for afterwards. Some made cupcakes and such…. I made a little something called slutty brownies. what are slutty brownies you may ask? Amazing!! …one layer of cookie dough, one layer of Oreo (I used cookie dough Oreos) and a layer of brownie. yummmmmmmmmmm and boy were they good.. but they made me sick =(

As the “show” started, (they do pre judging in the morning and then a “show with music and everything towards the night for an audience) My boyfriend and his family came, my aunt and my father came to support me… unfortunately bikini goes on stage last so I got to mingle with them a little before and during the show and you could tell they all were very proud of me.

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My aunt mentioned going to dinner afterwards so I’m back stage thinking about food haha, Evans dad was randomly taking pictures of the “hot” girls and my dad was joking with Evan the entire time about needing to workout , or maybe just needing a beer instead haha. After the show, besides eating 3 of my brownies, a red velvet brownie another competitor made and a macaroon…  we went to Hacienda ( I decided Mexican food was much needed) and I downed 2 chicken enchiladas and a chicken taco… topped with chili and cheese and everything haha. Then when we got home I had a few Oreos dipped in almond butter, a sandwich, and some fig nutons. By this time I was definitely in a food coma.

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The next morning, sine the family has made bbq ribs in front of me like 3 times during this prep I told Evan that’s what I wanted for dinner so he prepared that all day. In the mean time I ate a pumpkin pop tart, a small bowl of spaghetti, 3 waffles with a massive amount of fruit on top and by this time I was sick. .. And by the time the ribs and bbq was read it was all I could do to down one fricken rib.. I felt bad since he cooked all day and I couldn’t even bring myself to eat any of it….

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quite honestly I wasn’t planning on eating all the things I did, I wanted to still keep my hard work at bay but since I basically had some issues with binge eating before (which is what my next post is going to be about ) it was almost like I couldn’t stop. It almost got to the point of embarrassment with how much food I consumed and I wasn’t proud of it at all, yet I still kept eating. . . . as the water weight came back on and some extra weight as well from all the crappy food .. I started feeling lethargic, unmotivated and questioning if this competition was a good idea …

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As these last few weeks pressed on a kept in touch with my coach and telling him how much I’ve gained was a wake up call in itself. I told him I needed more goals to shoot for because a part of me had been prepping for sooooo long for this competition that I almost felt like a “what’s next” moment and didn’t know exactly where to go. But with that being said, I’ve learned my lesion and man , oh man, cardio is SO much harder when you have crap in your system .. it literally does NOTHING to fuel you for a intense workout.

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So all in all, I had a blast, was it worth it still after the aftermath of binging. yes, because I’m still learning to love myself obviously.. and I’m still working on processing how I see myself as well… I know I’m not perfect, no one is. Its your choice to either learn and grow from certain screw ups .. or you can let them overpower and consume you. But untimely its all up to you.

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2 Weeks Out!!

Man o man! Its coming up fast! Not going to lie, I’m a bit nervous but yet I’m excited as well. I’ve been basically preparing for this for a year and I’m only 16 days away from it. Here are my update pictures =)
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Also I must say .. I almost hate my cardio as much as I hate my fish but the combo is helping my stomach get flat. SCORE!

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These past few weeks have been rough, my diet continues to get harder, I keep getting more and more cardio added on, but …. Ive come to realize that its what I asked for, and will it be hard.. hell yes it will, but it will be worth it =)

Its time to get out of my head even when its screaming at me to stop … my heart is what keeps me going. The only excuse you have is the one you make!

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OOOHHHH also I got my jewelry!! and my mom just highlighted my hair so its all coming together quit nicely I think =)

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6 and 5 weeks out

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As time goes on and the days pass a part of me is so nervous and excited and just thrilled I’m actually doing this (no turning back now!) but another part of me is rather relived and happy its almost over. Weird I know. I feel like the whole thing is going to be a bittersweet moment. The joy of being up on that stage (I’ve always loved the limelight ) knowing that I accomplished this goal that in all honestly was WAY harder to complete then I even imagined when I first started. But yet, I can begin to “live” again. Most people don’t realize how hard it is to sit there at a wedding/ baby shower/ anywhere with your 3oz of chicken and 8 asparagus spears while everyone else gorges on things like cake and BBQ ribs in front of you. Me, personally I didn’t mind it, I learned to live through other people, especially Evan hahaha. When we went on our vacation up to Vail I brought all my food and still continued to eat just like I do now, meanwhile he had things like pizza, peach pie, big burgers…… fricken waffle fries.. (not going to lie I wanted a waffle fry haha)

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When a friend of mine was telling me about “off season” and how all the pros of fitness take time off they eat things like pizza, doughnuts and good stuff.. I thought it sounded silly. Since the past 3-4 years through my whole weight loss I literally cannot remember the last time I ate a piece of pizza and since I have been eating clean for this long my thought when she said that to me was “but why would I ruin what I’ve just done??”

Let me just tell you now, I understand completely what she was talking about! through this prep (granted mine was a bit harder because I’ve been on such a prolonged clean diet for so long) … but literally I’ve never craved so much “unhealthy” food in my entire life. I probably pinned about 80 different pumpkin desert recipes on my pinterest the other day- no joke! And the fact that my body is handling whey (dairy) better now makes it even more dangerous!

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So not really sure what’s going to happen at the end of all this to be quite honest. I don’t want to make myself sick (even though I hear that is totally something every competitor does after a show hahah) but I do have a nice little list in my mind of all the different foods I want after this is over. Things like BBQ ribs, pumpkin….. well pumpkin anything!, Oreos, smothered burrito, tostadas, spaghetti … the list goes on…. guess we will see what happens eh?

 

ok without further ado, here are my 6 week and 5 week updates.

6 weeks out

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5 weeks

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I also got to pick out the color of my bikini! How exciting… I was so happy when my coach told me I should do pink or purple (my two favorite colors!!! ) so we opted for one in between its kinda a pinky-purple. … and it matches my gym bag, and my food prep bag haha. LOVE!!! I also was going back and forth between which connectors to use (connectors are the jewels on the bikini that hold it together… I picked the ones I’m going to use.. ya’ll will just have to wait and see which ones heee heee ;P

wpid-img_20140904_172117.jpgoh and I found more amazing PB that I can only eat when Evan isn’t around hahaha .. they need to make flavored almond butter and we’d be in business!!! Also here are some fun pics of Vail!! .. lol our maid probably thought a weirdo was staying there. =P

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7 weeks out! (Bikini Comp)

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Holy Moly time fly’s. 50 days and it will all be over …. kinda sad to think about it that way.. but that’s ok! I plan on taking my off season to kick some more booty and come back in full swing and hopefully do a few next year! Yep! That’s right ya’ll get to see me suffer with my chicken, gallons of water and piles of veggies some more in the future lol. (this way I can post some blogs for ya’ll thinking about doing a competition as well =))

With that being said. I’m 7 weeks out  .. here are my progress pics! I can say I finally am starting to feel like im beginning to look like some of the other bikini girls on the team.. which feels good haha.

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So along why my super low carb diet I have these days he gives me either called cab-loading or re-loading days and they sound amazing and super fun at first because you haven’t had carbs for sooo long haha… but only 3 meals in and still having 3 more to go being stuffed, this is when things get difficult haha. Not only is the extra carbs there but it about doubles my calorie intake that I’ve grown accustom to so its a little sad when I finally get a chance to down some brown rice, quinoa, sweet potato ect .. and I cant fathom eating any more ahaha.. I know I know one min I cant wait to eat , not I look at food and just feel full hahha. I’m a whiner…

wpid-img_20140821_103714.jpg breakfast was yummy tho, that’s one thing I didn’t mind grubbing down on , OATMEAL! nom

So some ideas for blog posts since I know ya’ll wanna know more than what’s going on with me haha. Let me know what you think! AND I’m willing to take suggestions too, just leave them in the comments below!!!

  • healthy protein bars
  • more workouts
  • what to expect when signing up for a bodybuilding competition!
  • mind over matter – controlling cravings
  • why do I binge or over eat?  – looking at the physiological side of it.

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9 and 8 weeks

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Ha! Can you tell I’ve been busy and cant keep up with this! haha eh, its life. So here are my 9 and 8 weeks out pics and updates .. its getting difficult and the cravings are seriously insane. You’d think it would be simple not to crave food and just eat your chicken and veggies… but it .. its really not that simple especially since I have a nut butter addiction I’ve decided. hahaha.

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So with this whole competition this I keep saying that I feel like one of the “bigger” girls on the team that I’m on.. a lot of his clients have either done a show before or start off pretty fit to begin with.. and I was telling Evan that I wish there was just maybe one person in the same boat as me, fit, healthy but still had maybe a little to lose still… and this was his response.

…. ps I hate him when he says it like it is lol but I love him so much because it so true … (this isn’t his exact words but its pretty much a few conversations all wrapped into one )      he said, well that’s the difference, that’s why you have to keep pushing, you ARE that person that others will look up to and inspire. You ARE that person that is going to prove to others that its possible if you put your mind to it. BE that person. That’s what you’ve been doing all along anyways and its never stopped you, its never held you back, its supposed to be hard but you continue to learn through it and challenge yourself.

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haha so needless to say he is exactly right I also have realized Im on my own journey, not anyone else’s. I cant compare myself to a girl who is already 120 lbs, I have to compare myself to myself… that’s what this sport is about. Competing with yourself, making yourself better day by day, show by show and continuing to make changes within yourself. There will always be someone ahead of you and there will always be someone behind you in whatever you do. <— remember that!

So here they are .. Ill have another one up soon too since my 7 weeks out is on Thursday haha. Ops! I’m slacking on this blog sorry ya’ll .

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Remember you beautiful no matter what, believe in yourself 100% and do whatever makes you happy. The rest will fall into place! =)

ps if you know me, you know I’m a pumpkin freak! So all this pumpkin spice stuff coming out is KILLING me haha… but I did find Peanut Butter that’s is PUMPKIN SPICE!! BOOM I can eat that hahhaha (just cant kiss my boyfriend on those days since hes allergic haha. )

wpid-img_20140813_102600.jpgOMG RIGHT?!!! NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM NOM …. did I mention NOM !!!

 

Another funny thought … Ive been craving crap I don’t even normally eat .. like doughnuts.. I cant even remember the last time I ate a flippin doughnut .. like a year ago maybe? Buuuuuut, Ive been adding a little dairy into my diet here and there and I’ve been doing ok.. soooo might have to go get some flippin doughnuts at the end of all this! OHHH YEA! .. and by “might have to” I mean .. that’s happening! LMAO.