I DID IT! My Journey through my First Fitness Bikini Competition

wpid-img_20141014_041818.jpg

Sorry this post has taken me so long to write, I’ve been going through a little soul searching after my show (which I plan on doing another post on that next … but its been an interesting ride , that’s for sure! )

BUT anyways…. Well…. I DID IT!!! And holy crap was it hard! Probably one of the hardest things I’ve done so far, and funny thing is I cant wait to do another!!!

How was it? Really fun yet stressful and exhausting too. But it was all worth it, wanna know why???? Because I placed Top 5 in both the classes I entered in!!! =)

wpid-img_20141012_002413.jpg wpid-img_20141011_133817.jpg

So going into this competition, quite honestly I wasn’t expecting to “win” anything because in my mind, I had already won with myself losing 85 pounds. And my thought process was if I won something , then hell, more power to me! Ideally my goal was to make it to a competition and I had done just that.

wpid-img_20141012_170635.jpg

Back stage during the show, fixing up spray tans and getting oily and ready to step on stage I was actually pretty calm. I have a  major in theatre so the stage isn’t really scary to me it was more of the omg I just don’t want to trip on my heals or forget my poses/transitions (which I did  hahaha).

wpid-img_20141011_131236.jpg

During first callouts, when they called my number I almost remember looking down at my number to make sure that was in fact the number they were calling. As I walked forward the look on my coaches face was priceless, as he nudged my posing coach and automatically grabbed his camera. That moment right there is one of the reasons I’m going to do another show in the future. You could see that he was very proud and excited that they called my number, especially since it was my first show. Then the second class I entered in they had called out 4 numbers and then who’s do they call next? MINE! so I made 1st callouts in both the classes I entered in! (first call outs a pretty much placing the top 5) – which was funny at the time because I didn’t realize that’s how it worked so I thought they were just calling my number to call my number hahaahah.

wpid-img_20141011_223949.jpg wpid-img_20141011_133729.jpg

As time goes on, and people start coming in the door for the show, we all start talking about the treats we brought for afterwards. Some made cupcakes and such…. I made a little something called slutty brownies. what are slutty brownies you may ask? Amazing!! …one layer of cookie dough, one layer of Oreo (I used cookie dough Oreos) and a layer of brownie. yummmmmmmmmmm and boy were they good.. but they made me sick =(

As the “show” started, (they do pre judging in the morning and then a “show with music and everything towards the night for an audience) My boyfriend and his family came, my aunt and my father came to support me… unfortunately bikini goes on stage last so I got to mingle with them a little before and during the show and you could tell they all were very proud of me.

wpid-img_20141012_100526.jpg wpid-img_20141012_152711.jpg

My aunt mentioned going to dinner afterwards so I’m back stage thinking about food haha, Evans dad was randomly taking pictures of the “hot” girls and my dad was joking with Evan the entire time about needing to workout , or maybe just needing a beer instead haha. After the show, besides eating 3 of my brownies, a red velvet brownie another competitor made and a macaroon…  we went to Hacienda ( I decided Mexican food was much needed) and I downed 2 chicken enchiladas and a chicken taco… topped with chili and cheese and everything haha. Then when we got home I had a few Oreos dipped in almond butter, a sandwich, and some fig nutons. By this time I was definitely in a food coma.

wpid-img_20141012_123936.jpgwpid-img_20141010_171851.jpg

The next morning, sine the family has made bbq ribs in front of me like 3 times during this prep I told Evan that’s what I wanted for dinner so he prepared that all day. In the mean time I ate a pumpkin pop tart, a small bowl of spaghetti, 3 waffles with a massive amount of fruit on top and by this time I was sick. .. And by the time the ribs and bbq was read it was all I could do to down one fricken rib.. I felt bad since he cooked all day and I couldn’t even bring myself to eat any of it….

wpid-img_20141012_172152.jpg

quite honestly I wasn’t planning on eating all the things I did, I wanted to still keep my hard work at bay but since I basically had some issues with binge eating before (which is what my next post is going to be about ) it was almost like I couldn’t stop. It almost got to the point of embarrassment with how much food I consumed and I wasn’t proud of it at all, yet I still kept eating. . . . as the water weight came back on and some extra weight as well from all the crappy food .. I started feeling lethargic, unmotivated and questioning if this competition was a good idea …

wpid-img_20141011_154538.jpg

As these last few weeks pressed on a kept in touch with my coach and telling him how much I’ve gained was a wake up call in itself. I told him I needed more goals to shoot for because a part of me had been prepping for sooooo long for this competition that I almost felt like a “what’s next” moment and didn’t know exactly where to go. But with that being said, I’ve learned my lesion and man , oh man, cardio is SO much harder when you have crap in your system .. it literally does NOTHING to fuel you for a intense workout.

wpid-img_20141011_155716.jpg

So all in all, I had a blast, was it worth it still after the aftermath of binging. yes, because I’m still learning to love myself obviously.. and I’m still working on processing how I see myself as well… I know I’m not perfect, no one is. Its your choice to either learn and grow from certain screw ups .. or you can let them overpower and consume you. But untimely its all up to you.

wpid-img_20141018_060031.jpg wpid-img_20141014_144012.jpg

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Be someones Inspiration

So… Not sure how to even start this blog post, but I’m just going to say this.

wpid-title_img_2014_0421_212200_.jpg

You are going to have people that support you and anything you can possibly dream up..and then there are those that .. well, just don’t get it. They either think you’re annoying for posting how awesome you feel after your workout, or seem to not want you to do well. ( or they don’t want to see you doing better than them as it seems).

Going from being bigger (see how I didn’t say fat ) to now being pretty fit I get a lot of inspirational stuff from tons of people, this is the part I LOVE and in all honesty, keeps me going at times. The letters I get from people I don’t even know, friends from high school and college, family and everyone asking for help or even telling me to keep on keeping on. lol. I love the random snapchats of peoples “healthy meals” they send me, I love the gym selfies telling me ” killed myself at the gym” … and I love that more and more people are realizing instead of being “annoyed” or seem put out by someone’s choices to be healthy ..but to learn how to embrace them, praise them for their hard work and maybe even join the club. I feel like we judge each other too much sometimes and I don’t see why we cant all just be ourselves.

wpid-PhotoGrid_1393596931716.jpg

We as people like encouragement,  to be thanked and rewarded, to have that person by your side no matter what. Why not be that person, to be the inspiration. Sure my journey is my journey and will always be, I will always be pushing myself to new limits now..  but when you start changing other peoples journeys and they start looking up to you or they decide not to give up because you’ve inspired them. THAT right there my friends is what its ALL ABOUT and it’s such an amazing thing I cant or don’t know how to even explain it.

 

wpid-img_20140423_113008.jpg      wpid-img_20140418_183334.jpg

And its kind of ironic too. Now that I’m not “big” anymore, I still have feelings of not being accepted. This is my own struggle which I battle all the time and an still learning how to handle. But its the opposite now. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and that people are looking at me because “I’m fat” and I don’t know what I’m doing… I have people look at me in the gym and assume “oh this is easy for her, she probably been small her whole life” I see them watching, staring or whatever you want to call it… but guess what it doesn’t matter….. I’m at the gym for me, the gym is my “me” time. Blare some music and do your own thing, don’t worry about what others are doing, how much they are bench pressing because … Who’s journey is this again ? Yours. LIVE IT.

There are those people that don’t know me and see the possibilities they themselves can make or have if they believe in themselves. There are those who do know me and basically have watched this whole process take place (and boy its been a few years- so don’t get discouraged when it doesn’t “come off right away” it wont… it took time to put it on, its going to take time to take it off. ) But to learn that piece of acceptance of yourself, to actually learn to love yourself and fall in love with the process that is taking place. To not be scared to fail, and learn from that failure, to get back up when knocked down and to not let other peoples opinions flood your mind with negativity … because guess what, they’re only one thing –  an opinion.

wpid-img_20140424_070633.jpg

 

 

And for those that “don’t get it” or annoyed with you and your journey, guess what, its not their life nor their journey so it doesn’t matter! They don’t need to understand why you are the way you are, if you are true to yourself and just focus on you and what you want out of YOUR life.. life will be amazing. People will walk  away, others will stay and enjoy the ride with you. =) promise you this.

Stay Strong my Lovelies! – always remember two things :

  1. Your stronger and more powerful than your think. Mind. Body. Soul.
  2. You’re beautiful, no matter what! =)

 

wpid-img_20140423_161411.jpg