I DID IT! My Journey through my First Fitness Bikini Competition

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Sorry this post has taken me so long to write, I’ve been going through a little soul searching after my show (which I plan on doing another post on that next … but its been an interesting ride , that’s for sure! )

BUT anyways…. Well…. I DID IT!!! And holy crap was it hard! Probably one of the hardest things I’ve done so far, and funny thing is I cant wait to do another!!!

How was it? Really fun yet stressful and exhausting too. But it was all worth it, wanna know why???? Because I placed Top 5 in both the classes I entered in!!! =)

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So going into this competition, quite honestly I wasn’t expecting to “win” anything because in my mind, I had already won with myself losing 85 pounds. And my thought process was if I won something , then hell, more power to me! Ideally my goal was to make it to a competition and I had done just that.

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Back stage during the show, fixing up spray tans and getting oily and ready to step on stage I was actually pretty calm. I have a  major in theatre so the stage isn’t really scary to me it was more of the omg I just don’t want to trip on my heals or forget my poses/transitions (which I did  hahaha).

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During first callouts, when they called my number I almost remember looking down at my number to make sure that was in fact the number they were calling. As I walked forward the look on my coaches face was priceless, as he nudged my posing coach and automatically grabbed his camera. That moment right there is one of the reasons I’m going to do another show in the future. You could see that he was very proud and excited that they called my number, especially since it was my first show. Then the second class I entered in they had called out 4 numbers and then who’s do they call next? MINE! so I made 1st callouts in both the classes I entered in! (first call outs a pretty much placing the top 5) – which was funny at the time because I didn’t realize that’s how it worked so I thought they were just calling my number to call my number hahaahah.

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As time goes on, and people start coming in the door for the show, we all start talking about the treats we brought for afterwards. Some made cupcakes and such…. I made a little something called slutty brownies. what are slutty brownies you may ask? Amazing!! …one layer of cookie dough, one layer of Oreo (I used cookie dough Oreos) and a layer of brownie. yummmmmmmmmmm and boy were they good.. but they made me sick =(

As the “show” started, (they do pre judging in the morning and then a “show with music and everything towards the night for an audience) My boyfriend and his family came, my aunt and my father came to support me… unfortunately bikini goes on stage last so I got to mingle with them a little before and during the show and you could tell they all were very proud of me.

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My aunt mentioned going to dinner afterwards so I’m back stage thinking about food haha, Evans dad was randomly taking pictures of the “hot” girls and my dad was joking with Evan the entire time about needing to workout , or maybe just needing a beer instead haha. After the show, besides eating 3 of my brownies, a red velvet brownie another competitor made and a macaroon…  we went to Hacienda ( I decided Mexican food was much needed) and I downed 2 chicken enchiladas and a chicken taco… topped with chili and cheese and everything haha. Then when we got home I had a few Oreos dipped in almond butter, a sandwich, and some fig nutons. By this time I was definitely in a food coma.

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The next morning, sine the family has made bbq ribs in front of me like 3 times during this prep I told Evan that’s what I wanted for dinner so he prepared that all day. In the mean time I ate a pumpkin pop tart, a small bowl of spaghetti, 3 waffles with a massive amount of fruit on top and by this time I was sick. .. And by the time the ribs and bbq was read it was all I could do to down one fricken rib.. I felt bad since he cooked all day and I couldn’t even bring myself to eat any of it….

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quite honestly I wasn’t planning on eating all the things I did, I wanted to still keep my hard work at bay but since I basically had some issues with binge eating before (which is what my next post is going to be about ) it was almost like I couldn’t stop. It almost got to the point of embarrassment with how much food I consumed and I wasn’t proud of it at all, yet I still kept eating. . . . as the water weight came back on and some extra weight as well from all the crappy food .. I started feeling lethargic, unmotivated and questioning if this competition was a good idea …

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As these last few weeks pressed on a kept in touch with my coach and telling him how much I’ve gained was a wake up call in itself. I told him I needed more goals to shoot for because a part of me had been prepping for sooooo long for this competition that I almost felt like a “what’s next” moment and didn’t know exactly where to go. But with that being said, I’ve learned my lesion and man , oh man, cardio is SO much harder when you have crap in your system .. it literally does NOTHING to fuel you for a intense workout.

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So all in all, I had a blast, was it worth it still after the aftermath of binging. yes, because I’m still learning to love myself obviously.. and I’m still working on processing how I see myself as well… I know I’m not perfect, no one is. Its your choice to either learn and grow from certain screw ups .. or you can let them overpower and consume you. But untimely its all up to you.

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2 Weeks Out!!

Man o man! Its coming up fast! Not going to lie, I’m a bit nervous but yet I’m excited as well. I’ve been basically preparing for this for a year and I’m only 16 days away from it. Here are my update pictures =)
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Also I must say .. I almost hate my cardio as much as I hate my fish but the combo is helping my stomach get flat. SCORE!

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These past few weeks have been rough, my diet continues to get harder, I keep getting more and more cardio added on, but …. Ive come to realize that its what I asked for, and will it be hard.. hell yes it will, but it will be worth it =)

Its time to get out of my head even when its screaming at me to stop … my heart is what keeps me going. The only excuse you have is the one you make!

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OOOHHHH also I got my jewelry!! and my mom just highlighted my hair so its all coming together quit nicely I think =)

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Reality weight loss shows inspire me …

 

So Extreme Weight loss with Chris Powell AND The Biggest Loser started up again, and let me tell you, I’m such a sucker for these types of shows. Now before you judge, yes its a love/hate relationship for the whole way they do these types of shows and no I don’t see it as ideally “realistic” , nor attainable for the average person.

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Now back to the show! I’ve been looking for something to inspire me so I would have a want to blog but I’ve literally just been so burned out and exhausted lately with this whole prep that any of my free time is either going to the gym, extra sleep/relaxation, prepping my food, gym bag, or even just doing chores around the house. This did it =)

Both shows have their ups and downs, I really like that with EWL (Extreme Weight Loss) is more of a one on one approach and Chris really gets to know the person hes working with. The few episodes I saw recently were based in Colorado (which I thought was pretty cool since that’s where I live =)) As I’m watching them doing the stairs at Red Rocks just the thought of having all that weight, with the sun beating down on them … It makes you realize your stronger than you think.

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Now! with the Biggest Loser.. They have 2 new trainers which I must say the new guy trainer is VERY yummy hahah. But that’s besides the point. This season they are taking a bunch of athletes that have basically let themselves go and transforming back into the athletes they once were. This factor kind of touched me in a weird way because no I don’t really see myself as an athlete, but throughout this prep I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve realized that I pretty much have had some kind of disorder towards food and body image for a very long time. And with such a strict diet throughout this prep,  I still have some of those tendencies (mostly wanting to either skip a meal or binge), which is hard to admit, but at least I can recognize it now and I know what to look for within myself to not let it take over.

How does that relate? Well since I probably haven’t had a piece of cake within a good year … after my show I plan on living a little because if you have ever done a fitness/bodybuilding competition or read into what goes into it… its tough stuff, its not as easy as it looks and you basically are only eating to survive and giving your body the only nutrition it needs. … technically its hard to live everyday life during prep. I’ve been joking with my family that I’m going to eat an entire rack of ribs, a pumpkin pie and fro-yo after I complete my show…. along with a list of a million other things, and the fact that my body is handling dairy again isn’t helping either lol. So as I’m planning on indulging a little after my show, the Biggest Loser made me almost scared to, not as in omg I’m not even going to have my doughnut that I’m planning on having … but it brings that reality of damn I have worked my ass off to get where I’m at and I cant go back to either being so strict of not having cake at a birthday party but yet I don’t want to go too crazy and eat everything in sight.

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Along with the fear of even gaining back 20+ lbs (which I mean I know I’m going to gain some weight back because no one can stay competition weight .. its just not realistic nor really possible or healthy) My coach has been having the hardest time tricking my metabolism and getting me to be able to drop weight since I have some major metabolic damage from dieting for so many  years. When you diet for such a prolonged period of time your body becomes accustomed to it, therefore this is usually when you have to mix things up (diet or exercise wise) … but since I’ve been doing this cycle for a good 3-4 years there isn’t much left to try for me. I’m already low carb, low fat, water galore and we cant lower my calories any lower because well anything below 1200 isn’t healthy.

With that being said its kind of cute because he keeps telling me to not go too crazy and rebound after my show. And in all honestly.. if I ate everything or even half the things I want to eat right now I would A. puke my brains out and B. feel like utter shit … which isn’t the goal. The big picture goal was to lose the weight, feel confident, feel comfortable in my own skin and love myself. Yes, I’m planning on going to VooDoo Doughnut after the show and yes, Evan is going to make me ribs but .. after watching The Biggest Loser where these athletes were at their prime, they were on top of their game and they accomplished “their goal” and then once it was all over, they let themselves go. I don’t want that. And luckily he’s willing to help me after my show to do a reverse diet to help fix my metabolism … kind of nervous as to what that will look like but everyone I’ve talked to that’s done a reverse diet they were very happy with the outcome because it makes it easier to maintain a healthy weight along with being able to have some fun with food too.

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So I guess not only watching these show makes me ball my eyes out because I love their stories and the emotional side that goes along with healing process through weight loss.. but it made me see the big picture of … its easy to gain it back so be careful but learn to lighten up a little. =)

Ps I also started buying a few treats I plan on having after the show!! I cant believe I have 18 days!!

6 and 5 weeks out

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As time goes on and the days pass a part of me is so nervous and excited and just thrilled I’m actually doing this (no turning back now!) but another part of me is rather relived and happy its almost over. Weird I know. I feel like the whole thing is going to be a bittersweet moment. The joy of being up on that stage (I’ve always loved the limelight ) knowing that I accomplished this goal that in all honestly was WAY harder to complete then I even imagined when I first started. But yet, I can begin to “live” again. Most people don’t realize how hard it is to sit there at a wedding/ baby shower/ anywhere with your 3oz of chicken and 8 asparagus spears while everyone else gorges on things like cake and BBQ ribs in front of you. Me, personally I didn’t mind it, I learned to live through other people, especially Evan hahaha. When we went on our vacation up to Vail I brought all my food and still continued to eat just like I do now, meanwhile he had things like pizza, peach pie, big burgers…… fricken waffle fries.. (not going to lie I wanted a waffle fry haha)

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When a friend of mine was telling me about “off season” and how all the pros of fitness take time off they eat things like pizza, doughnuts and good stuff.. I thought it sounded silly. Since the past 3-4 years through my whole weight loss I literally cannot remember the last time I ate a piece of pizza and since I have been eating clean for this long my thought when she said that to me was “but why would I ruin what I’ve just done??”

Let me just tell you now, I understand completely what she was talking about! through this prep (granted mine was a bit harder because I’ve been on such a prolonged clean diet for so long) … but literally I’ve never craved so much “unhealthy” food in my entire life. I probably pinned about 80 different pumpkin desert recipes on my pinterest the other day- no joke! And the fact that my body is handling whey (dairy) better now makes it even more dangerous!

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So not really sure what’s going to happen at the end of all this to be quite honest. I don’t want to make myself sick (even though I hear that is totally something every competitor does after a show hahah) but I do have a nice little list in my mind of all the different foods I want after this is over. Things like BBQ ribs, pumpkin….. well pumpkin anything!, Oreos, smothered burrito, tostadas, spaghetti … the list goes on…. guess we will see what happens eh?

 

ok without further ado, here are my 6 week and 5 week updates.

6 weeks out

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5 weeks

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I also got to pick out the color of my bikini! How exciting… I was so happy when my coach told me I should do pink or purple (my two favorite colors!!! ) so we opted for one in between its kinda a pinky-purple. … and it matches my gym bag, and my food prep bag haha. LOVE!!! I also was going back and forth between which connectors to use (connectors are the jewels on the bikini that hold it together… I picked the ones I’m going to use.. ya’ll will just have to wait and see which ones heee heee ;P

wpid-img_20140904_172117.jpgoh and I found more amazing PB that I can only eat when Evan isn’t around hahaha .. they need to make flavored almond butter and we’d be in business!!! Also here are some fun pics of Vail!! .. lol our maid probably thought a weirdo was staying there. =P

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7 weeks out! (Bikini Comp)

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Holy Moly time fly’s. 50 days and it will all be over …. kinda sad to think about it that way.. but that’s ok! I plan on taking my off season to kick some more booty and come back in full swing and hopefully do a few next year! Yep! That’s right ya’ll get to see me suffer with my chicken, gallons of water and piles of veggies some more in the future lol. (this way I can post some blogs for ya’ll thinking about doing a competition as well =))

With that being said. I’m 7 weeks out  .. here are my progress pics! I can say I finally am starting to feel like im beginning to look like some of the other bikini girls on the team.. which feels good haha.

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So along why my super low carb diet I have these days he gives me either called cab-loading or re-loading days and they sound amazing and super fun at first because you haven’t had carbs for sooo long haha… but only 3 meals in and still having 3 more to go being stuffed, this is when things get difficult haha. Not only is the extra carbs there but it about doubles my calorie intake that I’ve grown accustom to so its a little sad when I finally get a chance to down some brown rice, quinoa, sweet potato ect .. and I cant fathom eating any more ahaha.. I know I know one min I cant wait to eat , not I look at food and just feel full hahha. I’m a whiner…

wpid-img_20140821_103714.jpg breakfast was yummy tho, that’s one thing I didn’t mind grubbing down on , OATMEAL! nom

So some ideas for blog posts since I know ya’ll wanna know more than what’s going on with me haha. Let me know what you think! AND I’m willing to take suggestions too, just leave them in the comments below!!!

  • healthy protein bars
  • more workouts
  • what to expect when signing up for a bodybuilding competition!
  • mind over matter – controlling cravings
  • why do I binge or over eat?  – looking at the physiological side of it.

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10 and 11 Weeks Out

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Less than 70 days till I step on that stage in my hooker heals and sparkly bikini! Oh my gosh guys.. If you ever think about doing this make sure your ready for all the craziness that goes with it haha. A part of it is pretty simple if you think about it, eat super clean 24/7 along with some pretty intense workouts.

But along with the obvious, no one really talks about the mental aspect of it. There will be days you will want to quit, not give it your all, slack off, cheat on your diet, want to eat an entire subway sandwich and oh so many more things. But needless to say were doing this! ( I keep having to tell myself that for some reason).

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So here is my 10 and 11 weeks out pics and I’m not sure if its because I had a really weird dream the other day but I kind of had an epiphany. After all the things I’ve been through with preparing for this and just in life in general (car accident on my birthday, first broken bone, still dealing with getting my settlement and of course some family craziness ..who doesn’t have those haha)  along with weight (gain and loss), struggles with self acceptance, eating habits, knowledge and just learning to believe in myself its kinda ironic that I have to pep talk myself up sometimes.

With that being said I made a short little list ( and I have more than this) but here are some top reasons I keep telling myself WHY I’m doing this. Its always important to have a goal, but more importantly you need to have a WHY. And your Why ideally should almost scare you, make you cry in joy and excite you all in one…

And your “why’s” should be more than the obvious … like to look hot… common everyone wants that but its not deep. Dig deep!!!

  1. To prove to myself and others (more for myself though) that I can do this the healthy way. To be healthy mind, body, soul and to not have any self hate towards myself as a person nor towards the body I live in.
  2. To push myself  ( I’ve always had a good sense of drive with whatever I choose to do) When I think about how hard something is I want to automatically realize that I can accomplish anything. Put in the work, get the results of the work put in. Not easy but it will be worth it.
  3. I can honestly say that I no longer want to be “skinny” nor do I really like that word either… skinny. It rubs me the wrong way now, and for a good reason. I can see a girl walking around who is particularly “Skinny”… That’s not my goal anymore, nor is it honestly attractive to me really (just my opinion). I want to be “FIT” I want people to look at me and tell that I strive for this, that I work for it and I look healthy. A well build physique is attractive to me, no one can buy it or give it to me and it shows that I put in the work to obtain it.
  4. I also like to think of myself in the future. I see so many adults or even people who are younger than me have too many health problems and usually looking and even acting 20 years older than they are. Not only that but they have kids and its hard for them to keep up with their own kids. I want my family to be active, healthy and I want to enjoy that with them when the time comes. I see it as I pay a little extra to take care of myself now so I wont have to pay for it when I get older at the doctors.
  5. .. this one really isn’t a “why” but … when you start to see things in a positive light, more and more positive things start to come to you. You get a promotion, you receive good news from a friend … ect. the more positive vibes if you will that you put out there, the more that will come your way. sounds crazy but its true. … don’t believe me. try it .. just for shits and giggles =)

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wpid-img_20140731_105255.jpgSlow progress but its still progress. Pacience is key here and staying motivated can take its toll.

” Decide you want it more than your afraid of it!!” – Bill Cosby

 

ps.. I also found this gum and its amazing haha. Thought I would share it with ya’ll. Its called Yum Yum Gum. They pretty much have every flavor thought of … when pumpkin pie gets in season … OH ITS ON!!! =P

 

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Life is hard to balance at times …… (14 and 13 weeks out update)

Oh my gosh guys! Sorry life is definitely busier than usual but I’ll try my best to keep it updated! haha.

Between the training, cooking, eating (all I feel like I do is eat btw haha), work and everything else it is all I can do to just come home and not pass out right away …

Now, if you have been following me on instagram, you’ll know that my weight keep fluctuating and this is something I personally find extremely annoying and I know I need to learn not to let it get to me. … with that being said its a good thing I take measurements now and pictures every week because that’s the only way I’m really seeing a difference. But its a good difference! =)

Week 3 (14 weeks out from show.)

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Going into week 4 (13 weeks out from show)

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hardest part so far? … cardio on those damn stairs.. I tell ya we have a love/hate relationship right now .. and cravings OMG… I just want a PB and J lol….

MY CRAVING CRUSHERS:

  • Gum – deserts
  • mints
  • sparkling water!!! – look for no sugar/sodium/ nothing…
  • tea
  • spices

ooh that  list looks sad lol.

OH also… I have the best boyfriend ever! we past 4 years on the 4th of july … he got me this!!

oh…so … beautiful….

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